The story is about a thug for a Mexican drug lord, so yeah, the language is rough. In addition to the 26 "fucks", there is a plethora of "shitbags," "assholes," and assorted "damns," "goddamns," "shits," etc. Those, apparently, are not a problem -- just the "fucks."
It tickles me that someone took the time to count the number of "fucks" in my story. Really, I just love it. I think 26 is going to be my favorite number for a while.
I am, of course, revising -- and it wasn't at all difficult to remove the "fucks" and substitute milder language. I should have known Cincinnati wasn't ready for such a barrage of F-bombs.
- Mood:
amused
drained- Mood:
contemplative
By contrast, this is what I consider a more professional response to a resume submission/job application:
Thank you very much for submitting your resume for the Communications Manager position. As a part of the submission process, we are requesting that you complete the following 3 questions.
1. Please revise and correct the attached press release
2. Write a 250 blog describing your favorite activity or a memorable experience you had during a summer vacation
3. Describe what you would do to get people to read your blog. Provide a list (3-5) of sites you would post to and show an example of each of those posts. Describe what else (if anything) you would do to get your blog read.
Please send your response back by Friday, May 11. The next step in the process will be a follow up phone interview.
In the phone interview, they'll assess my personality by having a conversation -- and hopefully not springing any stupid questions on me.- Mood:
busy
A friend of mine recommended me for a job and put me in touch with the marketing VP there. I chatted with him on the phone, and all went well. He asked to see my resume and writing samples, so I sent them to him. He sent me the job description (which had yet to be posted and was a work in progress) and that seemed like a good sign.
And then I heard nothing for two weeks, so I figured they didn't like me for the job. No worries -- it was in Kentucky and would have been a dreadful commute. I wasn't broken up about it.
Then, to my surprise, I got an email from the HR head there -- a woman I've never spoken with. It was ... well, here it is:
I am in receipt of your resume in response to our job posting.
Please take a moment to answer the following pre-screening questions and return them to me via this e-mail address at your
earliest convenience.
Your response to the pre-screening questions below will assist our hiring team in determining if your background and
experience is a close fit for our current staffing needs.
Why are you seeking to leave your current employer or what where the circumstances for you leaving your most recent
employer?
What are your salary requirements?
Tell about a time when you had an impossible deadline to meet. What was the outcome? Give specifics.
So far, so good. A fairly normal email with reasonable requests. But then it takes a left turn:
If you got on an elevator where everyone was facing the back, what would you do?
What color is the imagination part of your brain and why?
With your understanding of your country and its people, if you were to guess what two perfect strangers were talking
about this morning at a bus stop, what would it be?
If you had to give a title to your life story up to this point; what would it be and why?
This is nutso, right? Pure whackadoodle nonsense. And, in my opinion, extremely unprofessional.But I might reply with equally nonsensical answers, just for fun ...
- Mood: amused
I'm at the two month mark as of today. Two months unemployed. Four phone interviews, one live interview, no offers. In Month One, I worried about losing my house, but felt like that probably wouldn't happen because I'd find a new job soon. In Month Two, I still worried about it, but felt like I was close to finding something.
It's Month Three, now, and I no longer feel close to finding anything. I'm very worried about losing my home. Very. Worried.
I'm learning new job search techniques and information every time I go to a networking event or job workshop. For example, most recruiters and HR folk don't read cover letters; they go straight to your resume. That bombshell was dropped by a panel made up of a staffing agency recruiter, a professional talent resource (read: headhunter), a corporate recruiter, and an HR head for a bank. Four people who get applications and resumes by the ton each week, and not one of them reads the cover letter. You have to include it to show that you can follow protocol, but you don't have to agonize over it. What a relief!
I've learned what to put on your resume, and how, and what to leave off. I've learned interview tips. I've met lots of people and connected to even more on LinkedIn.
And yet for all of that, I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
On the plus side, though, I've been writing a lot. I wrote a sitcom pilot for a contest, and polished up a short story for a local literary anthology. I'm currently rewriting Zombie Robots for Amazon Studios, and I found out today about a fantasy writing contest that I may enter (although it may be a scam; I need to check it out a bit more). After that, I'm going to pare down a NaNo novel for Kindle Singles and try to get it published there (the max length is 30,000 words).
These are all opportunities I've learned about since I've been laid off. I'm not sure why it took getting laid off to open my eyes to all of the writing opportunities around me, but I'm glad it did. Ideally, I'd like to transition this jobless stint into a permanent writing career, but that will probably take longer than I can wait. So I split my days between writing and job searching. (It's not a fair split; I generally spend many more hours job searching than I do writing.)
This whole joblessness has been a greatly humbling experience. I've always received high praise for my work and my writing talents from my employers, and so I had this unrealistic idea that I would easily get a new job. I admit it -- I'd been a bit cocky. Not so much in my last job, but in the one before that, definitely.
Now, however, I find that all that praise -- even when translated into recommendations -- means absolutely zip. Zilch. Zingo. From a prospective employer's view, I'm just another writer in a sea of writers. Not only that, but I've been pigeonholed as a "software industry marketing writer," which has prevented me from getting jobs in other industries where I would excel -- mainly because every job has over a hundred applicants, and some of them will have the industry background I do not have. Companies don't need a great writer with no industry background; they need a good writer with industry experience.
I've resisted taking freelance assignments because of the hassles involved with being self-employed, but I think I no longer have that luxury. So I'll start trying to find freelance and/or contract work again.
I'll soldier on. I desperately do not want to lose my home. Even though Tracy and I have lived here only a few years, we have a lot of good memories here. We've put a lot of sweat and even a little blood into it.
And we have friends buried in the back yard.
- Mood:
worried
So here's what I've done, since that's the easiest place to begin.
For the past seven years, I've been a marketing communications specialist. But that probably tells you nothing, since even employers can't decide what that means -- judging by the "marketing communications specialist" job postings I've seen.
Here's how I define it:
marketing communications specialist: one whose role within an organization or company is to take a marketing goal (i.e., "We want to promote the new widget that product X has to an audience of C-level executives") and build it into a creative, attention-getting advertising campaign. This begins with concepting out the campaign (i.e., "It would be really effective if we did this. And then we could use this, this, and that to support it!"). Once the concepts are in place, the marketing communications specialist writes out the copy and works with the graphic design team to develop the look and feel of the campaign. While a MarCom specialists primary job function is copywriting, the job involves much more than that. MarCom specialists also know how to reuse the content they create, turning white papers into ebooks, videos, webinars, blog posts, email blasts, et cetera -- and then promoting them with all the appropriate marketing tools, including (but not limited to) social media (Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Google+, et cetera).
So that's what I do and what I've been doing for the last seven years, and maybe even longer than that. The last seven years have been focused on marketing software companies to a business-to-business (B2B) audience, but before that I was working for a small PR and marketing company that had a mix of B2B and B2C (business-to-consumer) clients.
As far as what I've actually produced, here's a list:
- Print ads
- Website ads (banner ads, etc.)
- Articles
- Brochures
- Newsletters
- White Papers
- Ebooks
- Webinars
- YouTube video scripts (animated and live action)
- Commercial scripts
- Website copy
- Tweets
- Facebook posts
- Blog posts
- Customer success stories
- Posters
- Packaging copy and concepts
- Data sheets
Ideally, I'd like to work for a company that is progressive in its marketing. One that isn't afraid to use all the new and emerging tools like Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, Facebook, etc. One that isn't mired in dinosaur thinking. It doesn't need to be in the software industry. I'm pretty good at learning just about any business, and I'm willing to be trained in any new skills related to marketing if I don't already have them. Shooting video, for example, or photography. I can point a camera with the best of them, and even click. But there's an art to it I don't have, and that is where I would need to be trained.
So, in a nutshell, I do creative campaign concepts and copy for print, digital, and social media. Check me out on LinkedIn if you want to see what others have to say about me, and for a more complete look at my work history.
That's what I do and what I'm looking for. If you know of such a position, or know of someone who might know someone who is hiring for such a position, please pass along my name or connect me to them. You'll be my Big Damn Hero!
- Mood: grateful
The HR Roundtable was a networking event for HR professionals and those of us "in transistion." (Apparently, that's the new vogue term for unemployed job seekers. Does that make me a tranny?) Steve Browne, the VP of HR for LaRosa's, gave a talk about improving your social footprint. His talk was interesting, and I learned a great deal. Probably the most eye-opening fact was that recruiters and HR professionals look at job candidates' LinkedIn profiles first -- not their resumes. This made me feel pretty good, since my LinkedIn profile is (I think) pretty great, with lots of excellent recommendations from the very kind people with whom I've worked.
After the talk, it was time to network. I was supposed to meet a friend of a friend there. I'd never met her before, but we'd talked on the phone the day prior, and she gave me a lot of helpful advice (including the 34 Helpful Job Search Tips I posted yesterday). I managed to find her, as well as meet a few other "in transition" folk as well.
Then it was off downtown for a job interview. I was uncertain going in that I was right for this job, and became less and less certain as the interview progressed. The first two people I met with were great, though, and I enjoyed talking to them. Then they took me to meet the CEO of the company, who was not enjoyable to talk to. Like me, he didn't think I was a good fit for the job, and was openly perplexed about why the other two folks thought I was. He asked pointed questions, and clearly didn't like my answers. He was aggressive, and he and I most certainly did not "click."
I started to get worked up about it, and then had a moment of clarity in which I realized I didn't want to work for this guy. I wasn't right for the job -- he knew it and I knew it. So I relaxed, answered his questions honestly, and didn't much care about what he thought. I was professional to the end -- I just didn't care, and wasn't going to let the guy get to me.
Afterward, I left and met Jess for "a quickie" (lunch) on Fountain Square. It was a beautiful day -- sunny and warm -- and the square was full of people. We got Graeter's ice cream and chatted about the upcoming wedding and just had a relaxing, wonderful time. It was exactly what I needed coming out of that interview.
Then I drove home with the top down and the radio blasting. I shot off some emails to some people I'd met at the HR Roundtable, and then got an email from Truepoint saying I didn't get the job there. I thought I was perfect for the job, but they did not. Oh well. Next!
- Mood: chipper
- Finish resume
- Send draft resume to lisa and 2 past managers
- Build a target list of companies that you're interested in (at least 15 - preferably 40)
- Build your list of criteria - break into MUSTS and WANTS
- join your professional association
- schedule to attend 1 meeting within next month, 2 next month, 3 the following (meetings can be 1:1, professional association, networking, seminars etc)
- set up search agent using www.indeed.com to do daily search for jobs (this should search through job boards, websites in your geography. If it doesn't you might need to set up several agents on Monster, DICE, Careerbuilder and HotJobs etc). (GOJIRO: Monster sucks these days. Still couldn't hurt to sign up and post your resume, but be prepared for job spam and a few scams.)
- Read monster section on career search
- join www.linkedin.com and connect with lisa
- look for alumni from past companies on linked in and connect up
- look through lisa's linked in contacts because you probably know people in common
- look for past employer alumni association on linked in and join (same for professional association)
- order notecards or stationery with your name on it (3x5 or 4x6) (try www.vistaprint.com)
- order business cards with name, contact information and target role or summary
- order stamps
- create a vcard or signature for email
- check that email and voicemail are professional or create a yahoo, gmail or hotmail account for job search
- save resume as lastname,firstname.doc
- invite 5 people each week to join linked in
- search for recruiters specializing in your field and geography
- draft email to former coworkers telling them that you'll be looking
- build list of former coworkers
- talk with 2 people 'live' (not voicemail or email) daily about target list and job search
- Ask those people to share the contact information of 2 people you should talk with - ask them to introduce you
- identify 2 books you should read in your field or on interviewing
- Read 1 book on job searching (I recommend The Unwritten Rules of The Highly Effective Job Search"
- Look at your high school and college alumni association and reconnect with 5 people from there
- Subscribe to 2 online newsletters in your field
- Volunteer to help at one event and talk with 2 people about your job search.
- Go on a practice interview
- Get some physical exercise - great stress reliever
- Go to the library and read the local business paper
- Join JUMPSTART http://finance.groups.yahoo.
com/group/smoyjumpstart/ - Subscribe online to daily updates for the local paper (www.cincinnati.com ) and business paper (Cincinnati Business Courier).
When you finish this, let me know and we'll build on it - this should take you through the first month. Remember - the one statistic that's been shown is that, on average, you'll talk with 25 decisionmakers (e.g. the person that can make a hiring decision) before you accept an offer.
Good hunting!
- Mood:
awake
I've had a couple of recruiters contact me. One of them seemed a good fit -- marketing for a company called Wellpoint, which is a huge health insurance brokerage. Again, seemed a pretty good fit, but I sent my resume and portfolio last week and have yet to hear anything.
I've applied at several other jobs that are less of a good fit, including a job downtown at the company for which Emily works. Emily recommended me for the job, actually, so she's a Big Damn Hero. I have an in-person interview with them tomorrow -- the first live interview I've had since I got laid off almost a month ago.
Wow, it'll be four weeks tomorrow. That's depressing.
So, things are moving ... forwardish. I still have panic attacks about being unemployed, losing the house, etc., but they aren't as frequent. And I have great friends, and a decent network, so I'm hoping to have a job again sooner rather than later.
In the meantime, I'm writing. Working on a sitcom for a contest, but I hit a wall. Working on the ceremony for Jess and Justin's wedding, which I think will be fun if I don't balls it up. Got a novel waiting for me to revise it and another that keeps pounding at the back of my skull, wanting to be written. So it's a bonus to have this writing time, even if it sucks to be without a paycheck.
Still flyin', though!
- Mood:
blank
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